Emotional Leaking

 Have you ever been watching a sad or touching TV commercial and suddenly started crying? Or gotten so mad your boss that your accidently screamed at her? Or started laughing at a really inappropriate and serious moment? If so, these are three examples of emotional leakage.

An emotional leakage moment is when a person externally shows a bigger emotional expression than they had expected or desired to show others. For overcontrolled (OC) people that tend have a lot of inhibitory control, displaying a lot of emotion externally and in a situation where others can see it, might be very uncomfortable (self-coconscious) or even shame provoking.

Why Do Emotional Leaks Happen?

Emotional leakages occur when an OC person’s inhibitory self-control has been depleted and their inner feelings are revealed and expressed more strongly than preferred. Everyone in the whole world gets depleted of their inhibitory resources, commonly referred to as will power, when they are exhausted. Excessive self-control usages like planning ahead, delaying gratification, over-tolerating distress and stopping emotional expressions, deplete brain energy resources (in the form of glucose) that help to a person stop expressions of emotions.

Self-Criticism with Emotional Expression

Emotional leakage isn’t a problem per say, except when it’s followed by self-criticism.  There is nothing wrong with showing people what you are feeling on the inside!  Actually, research shows that people that openly express their emotions are more trusted by others and feel improved connected with others, even when the emotion expressed is a negative one.

Self-criticism following an emotional leak is usually due to a rule that an OC person has about how and when to express emotions.  Such as:

·      It’s only okay to yell and be angry at home,

·      Don’t cry in public; or

·      Never show fear at work or to a boss.

When one of the rules is broken, self-criticism emerges. 

The task for OCs is to recognize that expressing externally what one feels on the inside isn’t a sign of weakness or failure, but a sign of psychological health.  For example, thank goodness that medical students feel emotional about their work.  It probably makes them better doctors, who are more able to relate to their patient’s concerns and illnesses. Or watching a sad dog adoption commercial and tearing up around your friends may allow them to see that you have a soft spot for furry creatures and create intimacy.

Emotional leaks are bound to happen, so when they do, just remember it might be time to take a nap, apologize when needed, or remind yourself you aren’t a robot. Go ahead, get your feels on.